Elder wisdom on partner compatibility for a lasting relationship

February 10, 2014

Are people with opposing, complementary traits the best choices as long-term partners or would someone with values more similar to your own make a better mate? For the past year, Karl Pillemer has been investigating this question through interviews with elder Americans in an extension of The Legacy Project. In a recent piece on The Huffington Post, Pillemer relays what the elders thought:

I've asked over 500 people married 40, 50 and more years what is most important for a long and happy marriage. To my surprise, their advice was nearly unanimous: Opposites may attract, but they don't usually make for great and lasting marriages. Based on their long experiences both in and out of romantic relationships, the fundamental lesson is this: You are much more likely to have a satisfying marriage for a lifetime when you and your mate are fundamentally similar. And if you're very different, the elders warn although that marriage can work, is likely to be much more difficult.

'Opposites Attract' Or 'Birds Of A Feather' -- What's Best For A Long Marriage? - The Huffington Post